Bunni Claret
- Bunni Claret
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2024 12:02 am
- Age: 19
- Gender Identity: Female
- Race: Faunus (Cow horns and tail)
- Aura Color: Crimson
- Occupation:
- Semblance Name: Indignation
The volatile, very trigger-happy partner of Auric (unfortunately) .
- Al Ciendra
- Posts: 432
- Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2021 5:13 am
- Age: 18
- Gender Identity: Female
- Race: Faunus (Wolf-Ears and Fangs)
- Aura Color: Orange
- Occupation: Beacon Student
- Semblance Name: Volcanic Heart
- Weapon Name: Arcum and Gladio
Bunni seems almost ready for aporoval buuuut just a few issue.
Please put some space between paragraphs.
Writing a text without any breaks makes it painful to read.
Instead of this:
Bunni is an impressive figure with an athletic, mesomorphic build. Her broad shoulders, muscular arms, and legs are the result of years of hard work on a ranch, with her body composition being primarily lean muscle mass; though, people do call her beefy. Her tanned skin has a reddish-dark brown complexion, which she developed from spending long hours under the scorching Vacuo sun. Her hair is thick, coarse, and dark black, kept stylishly cropped into two sections: long, yet narrow and unruly, at the back, and long braids tied in a headwrap, with the top half of the braids sticking out at the front and she has a splash of freckles across her cheeks and nose that gives her a youthful, playful appearance. Her oval-shaped face has a strong jawline, thick eyebrows, and ears with several piercings on each. As a cow Faunus, Bunni has two striking reddish-brown cow horns that curve out from her temples before rising upwards and back across the sides of her head. She also has a long, black-tipped cowtail that protrudes above her backside, adding to her already impressive appearance. Bunni's body has a scattered collection of scars, a testament to her tumultuous upbringing. The most notable scar runs across her back, where a bull's horn gashed her. . She has a tattoo of her cattle brand emblem on her shoulder, a tribute to her passion for ranch work.
Try this:
Bunni is an impressive figure with an athletic, mesomorphic build. Her broad shoulders, muscular arms, and legs are the result of years of hard work on a ranch, with her body composition being primarily lean muscle mass; though, people do call her beefy.
Her tanned skin has a reddish-dark brown complexion, which she developed from spending long hours under the scorching Vacuo sun. Her hair is thick, coarse, and dark black, kept stylishly cropped into two sections: long, yet narrow and unruly, at the back, and long braids tied in a headwrap, with the top half of the braids sticking out at the front and she has a splash of freckles across her cheeks and nose that gives her a youthful, playful appearance. Her oval-shaped face has a strong jawline, thick eyebrows, and ears with several piercings on each.
As a cow Faunus, Bunni has two striking reddish-brown cow horns that curve out from her temples before rising upwards and back across the sides of her head. She also has a long, black-tipped cowtail that protrudes above her backside, adding to her already impressive appearance.
Bunni's body has a scattered collection of scars, a testament to her tumultuous upbringing. The most notable scar runs across her back, where a bull's horn gashed her. . She has a tattoo of her cattle brand emblem on her shoulder, a tribute to her passion for ranch work.
This may just be nitlicking but putting breaks into text makes it so much easier to read.
Then, the other one.
Her semblance is frankly just badly written.
Grimm aren't stronger than Hunters, Ursa are seen being ragdolled around with relativ ease and even something like the Nevermore in season 1 is thrown and dragged around, the deathstalker in the same episode barely even makes Jaune flinch when he blocks it's attacks.
I suggest tuning her semblance up fair bit, but perhaps reducing the duration as a boosting effect that last that long is also a bit much.
Until these issues are fixed I'll abstain from voting.
Please put some space between paragraphs.
Writing a text without any breaks makes it painful to read.
Instead of this:
Bunni is an impressive figure with an athletic, mesomorphic build. Her broad shoulders, muscular arms, and legs are the result of years of hard work on a ranch, with her body composition being primarily lean muscle mass; though, people do call her beefy. Her tanned skin has a reddish-dark brown complexion, which she developed from spending long hours under the scorching Vacuo sun. Her hair is thick, coarse, and dark black, kept stylishly cropped into two sections: long, yet narrow and unruly, at the back, and long braids tied in a headwrap, with the top half of the braids sticking out at the front and she has a splash of freckles across her cheeks and nose that gives her a youthful, playful appearance. Her oval-shaped face has a strong jawline, thick eyebrows, and ears with several piercings on each. As a cow Faunus, Bunni has two striking reddish-brown cow horns that curve out from her temples before rising upwards and back across the sides of her head. She also has a long, black-tipped cowtail that protrudes above her backside, adding to her already impressive appearance. Bunni's body has a scattered collection of scars, a testament to her tumultuous upbringing. The most notable scar runs across her back, where a bull's horn gashed her. . She has a tattoo of her cattle brand emblem on her shoulder, a tribute to her passion for ranch work.
Try this:
Bunni is an impressive figure with an athletic, mesomorphic build. Her broad shoulders, muscular arms, and legs are the result of years of hard work on a ranch, with her body composition being primarily lean muscle mass; though, people do call her beefy.
Her tanned skin has a reddish-dark brown complexion, which she developed from spending long hours under the scorching Vacuo sun. Her hair is thick, coarse, and dark black, kept stylishly cropped into two sections: long, yet narrow and unruly, at the back, and long braids tied in a headwrap, with the top half of the braids sticking out at the front and she has a splash of freckles across her cheeks and nose that gives her a youthful, playful appearance. Her oval-shaped face has a strong jawline, thick eyebrows, and ears with several piercings on each.
As a cow Faunus, Bunni has two striking reddish-brown cow horns that curve out from her temples before rising upwards and back across the sides of her head. She also has a long, black-tipped cowtail that protrudes above her backside, adding to her already impressive appearance.
Bunni's body has a scattered collection of scars, a testament to her tumultuous upbringing. The most notable scar runs across her back, where a bull's horn gashed her. . She has a tattoo of her cattle brand emblem on her shoulder, a tribute to her passion for ranch work.
This may just be nitlicking but putting breaks into text makes it so much easier to read.
Then, the other one.
Her semblance is frankly just badly written.
Grimm aren't stronger than Hunters, Ursa are seen being ragdolled around with relativ ease and even something like the Nevermore in season 1 is thrown and dragged around, the deathstalker in the same episode barely even makes Jaune flinch when he blocks it's attacks.
I suggest tuning her semblance up fair bit, but perhaps reducing the duration as a boosting effect that last that long is also a bit much.
Until these issues are fixed I'll abstain from voting.
Al chatters in #FF5500
- Grise Heldar
- Posts: 75
- Joined: Fri Nov 03, 2023 10:26 pm
- Age: 21
- Gender Identity: Female
- Race: Human
- Aura Color: Grey
- Occupation:
- Semblance Name: Blessed touch
- Weapon Name: Nyctophobia [and side knife]
I was told by the creatore that she is inspired by the rolling calf from the Caribbean folklore, I think it's really cool, plus I wanna see her interact with Auric. Cool backstory, nice Semblance, a whip is an awesome and very underutilized weapon
- Professor Silas Aronheim
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Mon Feb 19, 2024 8:17 pm
- Age: 40
- Gender Identity: Male
- Race: Human
- Aura Color: Celadon
- Occupation: Professor of Mathematics and Physics at Beacon
- Semblance Name: Hyperdimension - Plutarch
- Weapon Name: Firmament_s Edge
Seeing as this has been sitting here for a while with no updates, I'm going to move this to the Archives.
Go ahead and make a new Approvals post once you've addressed the feedback you've received.
Go ahead and make a new Approvals post once you've addressed the feedback you've received.