Al Ciendra

[Al Ciendra]

Both user and character are 18 years old or older.

I have a fair bit of expiernce with 1 on 1 roleplays, but only a little when it comes to roleplaying with 3 or more people.

Just a heads up, english is not my first language, so I'd appreciate any construcive feedback regarding any grammar or spelling mistakes I made so I can improve.

[Bastion Sandstone]

Looking good! I like her, and your english is pretty good. I saw a few typos, but they were all understandable and didn't give me any problem at all. You're doing quite well!

As for the character, I only have two questions:

1) Her mask. Does she wear it all the time? Like, always? Or is it something she puts on when in combat so she can see through the bright lights her flames give off? I'm fine with either, but the profile picture and the lack of a description of her face made me think she keeps it on religiously.

2) Her fireproof gear. How is it fireproof? Is it using Ice Dust? Is it somehow tempered with Fire Dust? I get the reason you need them to be fireproof, you don't want her burning her clothes off each time she fights. That would be embarassing, and she'll be getting enough "You're hot" compliments as it is, she doesn't need more. I would just like to see some reason for it, and I'll be content.

Also, her being fireproof. I think it would be interesting to say that to a degree she could be unharmed by fire, but if things were incredibly hot, say she was tossed into a furnace, that that sort of heat could be dangerous for her. I'm not sure of an exact degree of temperature, but especially if her Aura shield was broken, I think super hot stuff should be able to harm her, if nothing more than overheating her body.

This next part is completely my own idea and you can disregard it as you want, but I think it would also be neat if you had her pack around a bunch of Ice Dust crystals to use after battles. Cool herself down quickly or put out fires that she may have caused. It would be neat if she had to regulate her temperature in someway. But, that's just my ideas, not a critique.

Once those things have been addressed, I'd be happy to give my vote.

[Al Ciendra]

Thanks alot for the kind words and feedback.

As for your questions.
Yes she does wear it all time, even when she sleeps.
Besides combat there are a couple other reasons aswell.
Really should have mentioned this.

Thanks for bringing that up, I actually forgot to mention this in the description but yes her gear is infused with a mixture of dust that makes it fireproof, or well extremly resilliant to heat.

As for Al herself, shes not actually fireproof, her aura shield just makes it so that she is.
So if her aura shield were to be deactivated/destroyed by another force Al could get burned just like any other person.

And that is a good idea.
Though Al wouldn't need to use ice dust to put out fires she has caused as she can simply extinguish it using her semblance.

Again thank you for the feedback.

[Al Ciendra]

There, I corrected what you pointed out and did add that ice dust idea.

[Carmine Crest]

Welcome to the mask club.

Al is a solid character, having a cheerful and energetic personality despite the mysterious or even dangerous outward appearance is always a joy to see, especially if done well but on top of that, the additional effects of her semblance (Always warmer, unaffected by the sun, etc.) are unique and makes what could've been a generic "I create fire" semblance into something a bit more.

I'm excited to see what will become of Al, especially since Carmine and Al seem to be opposites so seeing the reactions of people toward the two would be fun and interesting.

[Al Ciendra]

Thank you aswell!
I'm sure some interesting interactions could happen between both of them.
Having two masked and "scary" students in one room would be fun.
Though I'd imagine Carmine might be the more imposing of the two...considering how Al is 6 inches smaller than him.

[Bastion Sandstone]

I like the additions! I vote "Yes". I do wonder what extreme cold would do to her... but that's only my own wondering.

[Citrine Locke]

You've got my approval! Al seems like a super fun character! I'd love see her in a thread some time, I have a feeling her and Citrine could get along!

In terms of comments, I just have two small things regarding her semblance. For one, you mention she still feels unusually warm even with her aura completely depleted. I'm not sure if that would be possible, given semblances need aura in order to function. So I'm not sure if her heightened body temperature would remain if she had no aura at all.

Second, just something I was wondering, if her semblance gives her a high resistance to hot weather, would she have a lower resistance to cold? I think something like that could be a cool balance to explore, though you don't have to add it in unless you want to, of course

[SheidelII]

Al Ciendra’s Outfit Description is sparse, in my opinion. You do a good job of describing specific things about her outfit, like the dark lenses of the mask and the pockets for her equipment, but you don’t describe the actual outfit she wears. You don’t have to have a really detailed description for it as you do have an image to point to, but I think you should at least write something for what Al Ciendra wears. Can be as short as: a black long sleeve, brown shorts, and black leggings along with metal armor and a hooded red cloak. Just an example.

Also, as an addition to what was said in the past replies, Aura has extreme temperature protection and the defensive qualities also extend to the person’s clothing. There are no worries about having to justify why a character’s clothing is fireproof. Still, it can add character to your- uh, character, so just do what you want to do, haha. It is something to consider with Volcanic Heart’s abilities.

Al Ciendra’s Physical Description also doesn’t have a lot of material in it. I’d like there to be a bit more to read. The image you provided doesn’t show what the character looks like beneath all the clothing she wears, so I do think it’d help if you wrote out something more descriptive. How your character looks seems to be something you want to keep hidden, the mask and all, but I do want you to think about writing it out just so you have something in place for it. Her Faunus trait, for one, is something you should probably detail, among her other physical features, and not just the ones that “someone could make out… underneath her equipment.” This is what they character looks like, not just what is seen by everyone else on the surface.

Volcanic Heart’s abilities could use a few tweaks, mostly with range and effectiveness. “Line of sight” is a good measuring stick to use for the range, but I think writing something about how distance affects the strength of the ability to control fire/heat is something worth considering. A candle versus a bonfire makes a difference. You do an good job detailing the drawbacks, just add something about the drain on Aura if Al Ciendra uses smaller or bigger flames and how more intense heat in a that smaller area versus the less intense heat in a larger area works.

You mention how she never explored her upper limits in her Semblance Description, but in her Previous Education section, Al learned the limit of her Semblance under her trainer, Auburn. Continued with how Al learned her real limits against live combat with Grimm. Something that might need rewording.

The errors I caught in the text are mostly about wrong tenses for the verbs or just some misspellings for descriptive words. They make up the most of what I could catch. There are other small things here and there, but I could read it and understood what you were going for.

[Myron Hyles]

Al's profile gives off a simple-yet-complicated feeling that makes it very interesting. The short paragraphs structure makes it very clear and easy to read through, plus I love the art.

I have a small gripe with her Semblance (it's just wording really) : you say she can "generate fire", which for me falls into magic/Dust usage category and is weird for a Semblance. Pyromancy's not a problem, but I would've written something like "she can ignite her Aura" instead. That's what I understood anyway, but everybody else is okay with it as it is.

Still voting Yes.

(Also tan/sunburn is caused by sunlight, not by heat, but science schmience)

[Al Ciendra]

Thank you for the continued feedback.
I revised the parts that were adressed.
Hope I could improve Al a bit further.

[SheidelII]

You mention that the black bodysuit Al Ciendra wears is nothing special, but its fabric is infused with a similar Dust mix as her armor. Perhaps consider changing it a bit so there isn’t this clash. Other than that, the expanded description is a good addition.

The Physical Description is better with how you describe Al Ciendra’s build, a good addition, but it’s missing a few things. You don’t mention the color of her hair that’s referenced when talking about her Faunus wolf ears and the same goes for the color of her eyes. The image shows what color her hair is, but the mask doesn’t show what her face looks like. Think of adding a section detailing what you think Al Ciendra’s face looks like. You have a good start with what you wrote near the end section that gives us some details about her face, so just do the same and continue writing what’s there.

I’m a little if-y on things being completely heatproof, but this is a fantasy world, so, haha.

Instead of Volcanic Heart’s “warmth” remaining active until Al Ciendra’s Aura is “depleted or otherwise deactivated”, could you replace “deactivated” with “broken”? You mention how her feeling warmer than other people is something she has no control over, so “deactivated” makes it sounds like that effect can be controlled. Just a suggestion to keep it consistent. The bit about her clothes burning to ash might be something that contradicts how Aura protects the general person of the user, but that’s more my own thoughts on it.

Volcanic Heart has a good amount of detail for how it works. The 2-3 minutes time limit doesn’t need to be there since you can use more vague terms like “a little while”, just a suggestion.

There are still a few errors in text. The sheet still reads well enough to where I can understand what you were going for.

These are my thoughts on Al Ciendra’s sheet so far. Please consider them. Nothing seems really out of order, so just some more minor fixes and she should be good to go!

[Al Ciendra]

And some more fixes were applied, mainly the grammar, but I did add onto the description of Al's face and semblance.

[SheidelII]

The changes you have made look good! It's a 'Yes' vote from me. With that, you're officially approved for roleplay.