SheidelII wrote: ↑Tue Jul 27, 2021 3:08 am
For Backstory Highlights, the mentions you've made of the Schnee Dust Company (SDC) will need to be removed or changed to another name. At this time with how we treat this setting's canon, the SDC does no exist. This may change in the future, but for now, I have to ask that you edit this part of Corvus' Backstory at least for now. You may change it back if the community decides to bring the SDC into the setting.
Noted I'll change it to something else.
Inazuma's ability to "weaken the molecular bonds of anything it cuts" is another point I want to make note of. I think it's enough to conclude it as a sharp blade and not go into problematic flavor text.
I'd say there's a bit of a significant difference between a sharp blade and this, the idea is at full charge it has the potential the cut cleanly through metal which is not exactly something your average 'sharp blade' is going to be doing. (Though contextually speaking that is entirely possible to do in RWBY given that Aura is essentially a amplifer of all physical attributes when someone knows how to properly use it.)
Real world references, such as martial arts, are also something we rule against in our setting.
Context here I'm using this more as a point of reference versus actually something that'd be said in Roleplay so you'd never hear any of these be listed off or said in "Roleplay" but their being listed off to give a point of reference of what this looks like similiar to how to just use canon example's Yang uses Boxing, Mercury is a Kickboxer (With a fair amount of Taekwondo mixed in.) and Adam uses Iaido.
On the flip side of this.
I think she would have a bunch of moves from martial arts mixed together. You don't state that she's a master at anything, but you do list a bunch of martial arts (which is good to show your knowledge). Honestly, I don't know what half of those even look like. To help get a better picture of what sort of moves she makes, you could try describing.
This is a fair bit of critcism and I'll admit I should've done a bit more to describe the exact specfics of it, though I tend to let Combat RP do that as it can look clunky when you try and describe how a character fights without an actual opponent at times in my personal experience, it's why points of reference are generally used.
skill in these disciplines is also concerning given how numerous and diverse they are.
Think the above sums it up quite well in the matter of she isn't particularly a master in any what so ever, it's diverse sure but it's meant to be a combination of that diversity to create a singular style of combat versus being mastered in all of these and uses all of them in conjuction at a mastered level.
Strengths are a bit too subjective and should go into what Corvus is plainly good at instead of the perspective of others. It doesn't really go into that except for the final two entries. Maybe put in some of the traits that make show her strength of character as well, such as Corvus' strong sense of morals from stealing to give to those in need and her vigilantism. There are definitely things you can include that go beyond what she's physically capable of.
I believe there's an entire section that is about this, I went for a subjective mindset on social because from a social strength or weakness aspect it will always be viewed subjectively if those are a weakness or a strength depending on who you are interacting with, an example would be a stutter could be endearing to someone or annoying to someone else, they aren't objectively weak or strong, thus I went for a more subjective POV outside of the more clear mindsets (I.E. someone who is clearly going out of there way to be a pain in the ass and is looking to cause problems with them, is generally going to have problems with them.)
None of this was meant to really highlight Physical Strength as it was meant to highlight where her social strengths and weaknesses.
As far as Physical Strengths go, I feel the Weaknesses in regards to them tend to balance out well (I.E. Strong Semblance, Strong Weakness and cost of usage as a result, good versatile close range fighter, but terrible long-range fighter, street smarts and life experience versus not having the best proper training.)
Not all Faunus have night vision, but that's a minor point if anything.
You're right it's most not all, this is a mistype on my part will be corrected.
I'm pretty sure Power Cells don't really exist, everything coming from Lightning Dust as a source of electricity(Or, I think that's how it all works).
Dust isn't how everything in RWBY operates see Penny and several Mech's etc, Dust is a reasonable alternative though and should've been mentioned. (The Standard Robotic soliders Atlas makes use of are as far as we are entirely robotic and aren't powered by Dust.)
EDIT: Minor problems such as the Night Vision and SDC mention fixed, I'll get to some of the other changes when I wake up tomorrow.
