Colors of Remnant

1. Are you 18 or older? We want to know if anyone is under 18 years of age. Being under 18 will not bar you from participating in our community. Rather, this will allow us to gauge who is acting inappropriately toward minors.

Last time I checked, I was 23 years-old... Yup, double-checked. I'm definitely over 18.

2. Do you have past experience with collaborative writing or roleplay, and if so, roughly how much? You can be brief. This is intended to help us provide useful feedback in your approval.

Well, I've been roleplaying in forums for a whooping six years, more or less, so I'm kinda confident in my abilities. That said, the last few years I've been taking a break of it, but I don't think a little lack of practice will leave me completely rusty or something!

3. You may include an optional (SHORT!) Roleplay sample for people to read that gives a feel for your character in writing.

Uhh, I haven't picked a color yet, and picking colors on phone is a pain anyway, so I hope you can overlook that detail just this once; it won't happen on actual threads, so no worries there. Here it goes!

Azure couldn't quite remember when did stargazing became part of his routine, but it did and he found it surprisingly enjoyable. It was around the time Rouge joined, though, so it was probably her doing. Yeah, it was actually during one of her first nights with the family... She had trouble sleeping, and told him that watching the stars helped soothe her down enough that she would get to red in no time. She never explained exactly why that was exactly, what with her spotty memory, but it probably was something her subconscious remembered or something scientific like that.

Perhaps it reminded her of something warm, like freshly baked bread or even the hug of her parents. She once told him that when people eventually stopped breathing, their souls would be transferred to the sky where they would become stars to guide those who are still below.

"I wonder, Rouge, if ya an' the rest of 'em are up there, watchin' me right now?" Azure said to no one, for he was lying alone in a plain bed, within his prison cell at the local police station. He would then let out a melancholic sigh, his eyes glued to the starry night sky he could see through the window, between the iron bars.

"I sure miss y'all, guys."

Gotta say, rather impressed with this! I like Azure and his story, and his weapon is neat too. I'm not sure how a gap at the tip makes a lack thereof and not two tips, but whatever. The Semblance is interesting too, doing something simple but you figure out how to make it useful.

I vote Yes.

Spending several years in prison when there was someone vouching for him with crimes that were not deemed serious in the end seems excessive, especially for a minor. There’s also the danger of ending up in a facility that houses gang members Azure and his group dissolved. The first point is what really sticks out to me though.

In place of the police force lending him aid to get started with his new life, I think it makes more sense to have that old gang member that worked undercover help him out. The man has a personal connection to Azure and having him take care of the legal side of things for his entry into Beacon would be justified more so than the police as since I feel that that’s for someone in a guardian role. He’s seen first hand the kind of person Azure is, and short of Azure joining up with the police in some capacity, I don’t see a reason why they would collectively help him over only the former teammate doing so. The police don’t have much reason to associate with Azure as his former teammate does.

Tempo’s mechanics are outlined well, but I’d like it if you went into more detail about its Aura consumption and whatever other drawbacks it may have. Stamina drain is one, and you mention harsher drawbacks when exceeding the one hundred percent mark. I encourage you to elaborate on these as well as describing how Azure can use Tempo to go to and beyond that limit with the repercussions that he incurs as a result. Some questions to consider are if his Aura’s healing and protective properties can mitigate the negative effects his Semblance can cause and if any amount of concentration or cooldown (such as if he needs to normalize after going to any extreme with Tempo) is needed. Also, is this and Advance reference? Kengan Ashura?

Pretty solid-looking character overall and one I can give my approval too. Hope this review provides useful feedback.

I made revisions to the backstory to account for these slip-ups of mine; it should be making much more sense now, hopefully!

Additionally, I extended Tempo's descrip´tion a lot. I'm pretty sure there are no misconceptions to be have in there, but if I still managed to miss something that needed explaining, please do make sure to let me know.

SheidelII wrote: ↑

Thu Apr 01, 2021 10:37 pm

Also, is this and Advance reference? Kengan Ashura?

Yes. Yes it is. I watched a few episodes a month ago, and the thing just wouldn't leave my mind. You'd say the show as a whole kinda shaped the way I went about creating Azure as a whole!

I'm liking the new descriptions. Maybe edit how Lucky Nine was made with help from the police.

About his Semblance, you've elaborated a lot on the mechanics, probably going into a lot more detail than needed, haha. There's no need to give exact numbers, but what you have paints Tempo clearly. One thing to keep in mind is how Aura naturally protects the body from harm, so it's kind of strange that the his Semblance causes him harm. It's possible that he can get negative consequences from overuse or misuse, but going so far as it ripping his body apart when Aura naturally heals might be a bit much, in my opinion. Just something to consider. Azure still has my vote of approval, all the same.

I did go a bit overboard, didn't I? Ahahaha... Apologies!

I simplified the Semblance some more, to make it easier on the eyes, but it should be just as clear as the previous version. Additionally, I toned down on the negatives of Tempo, since I did realize that they were a bit much, given the context.

I dunno if I should be changing it around so much, but I really want the character to feel down to Earth and for it not to clash (too hard) with the setting and stuff. Hopefully it isn't too troublesome for me to do.

Ah, and I edited that little error on Lucky Nine's description as well. Thanks for the reminder!

Looks good to me. Just be careful to clarify with High and Low Tempo that they boost and lower his body's normal functions respectively when you describe it in roleplay.

This is probably just how I'm thinking of it, but to me: Azure's normal state is 100%. High Tempo can get his body's functions anywere to >100%, like 150%. Low Tempo takes his body functions to <100%, so like 50% of his normal state. Again, this is just my thinking. What you've got is fine as it is and I'm just being a stickler.

This backstory is beefy!

I like the descriptions - you've really got a solid concept here. Glad Sheid helped you fix up some stuff, everything looks good to me (sans a few minor typos, but not everyone's as hyperconscious of grammatical minutiae as I am).

'Yes'.

I don't have a lot to say, especially with what Sheid already pointed out.

So yeah, Azure is a super cool!
I bet him and Al would make good sparing partners, seeing that they are both very fight happy

So yeah, he's got a yes from me!

Going from street rat to gang leader to reformed huntsmen is quite a tale and leaves so many options for future stories especially with the criminal syndicates and the traitor who seemed to have gotten away with it. I especially like the semblance idea, a power semblance that can be cranked up at the cost of the person is always such a cool idea because you never know when they're going to finally cross the line and die using their full power.

I look forward to seeing what becomes of Azure, so I vote yes.