Colors of Remnant

1. Are you 18 or older?

Yes. I am 22 this year.

Do you have past experience with collaborative writing or roleplay, and if so, roughly how much? You can be brief.

Yes. I've done quite a bit of Forum RP around here and there, as well as MMORPG and most recently D&D.

You may include an optional (SHORT!) Roleplay sample for people to read that gives a feel for your character in writing

Maria has been chasing after the thief for quite a distance now, barging through the crowded night street of the commercial district. She has to admit, the guy is definitely a good runner, and if it weren't for Maria's semblance she would've lost him in the crowd by now. Each time the thief would duck around a food stand or knock over people to create obstacle in Maria's way, She would throw her dagger toward a clear opening, or up into the air and blink toward her dagger, continuing the chase. Things come to head when the thief climbed onto the supporting rig of a construction site and scaled the unfinished building. Without hesitation, Maria followed, climbing on the construction beam and tailed the guy. Leaving the busy night street, the lighting began to dim and soon enough, the scarlette is surrounded by darkness.

As if her third sense is kicking in, Maria quickly duck away when the thief tried to get the jump on her with a drop kick. The two traded looks, eyeing each other up and down as if sizing up their combatant. The two of them eyed one another, meticulously studying each other before the fight started. The thief is also equipped with a dagger, similar to a Karambit. Even though he had already seen Maria using her semblance in the chase, the guy still insisted on a fight instead of running away. From that, Maria could assume he had also unlocked his aura, and perhaps even his semblance. Whatever it is, she couldn't tell.

The thief made the first move by running forward to deliver an uppercut with his hooked blade, following up with a punch to the face after then a downward slash. Maria weaved around each attack thrown her way, her movements were swift and nimble like flowing water. Catching her opportunity, Maria raised her legs and kicked toward the man's wrist, pushing his attack away before aiming her kick toward his face and thrust herself forward. Her attack fluked when the thief ducked under and grabbed at her leg. He was about to rip at Maria's knee joint with his blade when a red flash blinded his eyes.

Suddenly, the girl was gone, and before he could look around to see, Maria came down from above, spinning like a cyclone with her leg fully extended to deliver a devastating heel drop directly on the thief's shoulder. The attack knocked him hard onto the floor, blue aura flared bright. Without any hesitation, the scarlette quickly got up on her feet and pinned him down by the waste before lifting him up for an overhead toss.

The few seconds going airborne was enough for the thief to quickly recover and braced himself for the fall. He tucked his head in and tumbled forward, getting back onto his feet. He could hear running footsteps behind him. He knew the girl was coming after him, and he had his knife ready. He timed the steps, listening closer to how loud they are before quickly swing blindly behind him at Maria’s eye levels. Yet, when he turned around, he didn’t see anything beside another red flash before his light was knocked out when Maria threw a kick toward his chin from the left, breaking his aura and was enough to send him flying.

Once the fight ended, Maria used whatever she got available to tie up the thief to one of the construction beam, making sure his arms are bind behind his back so that he wouldn't get any funny ideas once the guy wakes up. All that is left is to call for the authority and let them sort out the rest.

Absolutely wonderful! Backstory was quite detailed and paints a great picture. A certian reviewer who's name looks sorta like "Shield" may point out the innaccuracy of tenses with many of your words. "Has/Had" and "Does/Did" and the like. I have no problem with it, but you might want to go over the areas that talk about her objectively(like all areas aside from Backstory) and change them to the 'Has/does" sort of tense.

I assume by her Semblance needing a direct line without obstruction, it means a total wall in that direction, yes? Like a crack in a wall would allow her to zip through, but a full glass panel stops her. She needs to move to a position where a straight line(or at least straightish in that direction) from her to the object, yeah?

I was honestly thinking of making my own Rapier and Dagger user, and you beat me too it. Darn. Still, I have to vote 'Yes'. I like her and find no real flaws in how she's written.

Thanks for your interest and feedback ^ ^. I'll definitely do so.

Bartok Evergreen wrote: ↑

Wed Feb 10, 2021 12:27 am

I assume by her Semblance needing a direct line without obstruction, it means a total wall in that direction, yes? Like a crack in a wall would allow her to zip through, but a full glass panel stops her. She needs to move to a position where a straight line(or at least straightish in that direction) from her to the object, yeah?

A little bit of insight on Maria's semblance. Maria in fact does not need a direct path to the objects she is linked when using her semblance to teleport, as long as the object itself isn't in an area that is obstructed or isn't out of the 10 meters radius. Think of it as Maria entering a parallel plain of existence, one where it's an empty void with nothing obstructing her, and every object she has linked up is a portal bringing her back to the normal world, and the time it took to do so is mere instantaneous. She is displaced from the world and reappeared in a new location in a flash, and so it means things like speed, momentum, body position,... all get carried through.

Hopefully the analogy help clear up the question.

I may be biased in this opinion, but I just love Maria.
The redhead duelist is as cute as ever, that lengthy yet tragic backstory is great!
Though I feel bad for her old man, really hope he's doing alright.
The amount of detail you put into the rest of her profile is also astounding.
And in a world of shotgun knuckles and sniper rifle scythes seeing a good old fashioned raiper is surprisingly refreshing.

So yeah Maria definitly get's a yes from me, can't wait to have a fellow member of the 5"4 club join the forum.

I love Maria. I vote yes. Here is some random feedback.

-Some general edits could stand to be made throughout the profile for readability, but I was able to understand it all.

-I enjoy that you refer to Maria as a "scarlette".

-I think Maria's backstory could be made more concise. To be fair, I could easily say the same for my own.

-I like that Maria's weapon is quite simple in function.

-I think Maria's semblance should have a defined limit on how many things she can bind to her aura.

Thanks for the compliments. It's very flattering to read through them.

The redhead duelist is as cute as ever, that lengthy yet tragic backstory is great!
Though I feel bad for her old man, really hope he's doing alright.

I have plans for Leon down the line in the distance future; Richard as well. As of now, you can say he's doing better.

-I think Maria's semblance should have a defined limit on how many things she can bind to her aura.

That is a good point. So far I only have Maria's attention and ability to keep track of things as her semblance's limitation on top of her aura. While I think that it's a valid limit to her power, out of character, I should probably set a hard cap on how many objects she can establish a connection.

While Maria's semblance may be outclassed by someone else's teleporting semblance, there's still that cool factor of throwing a dagger and teleporting to it which makes it the best by default and as such, I have to vote yes.

Should that reasoning not be enough, which it should be, then I'd have to say Maria's backstory being so well written and her personality being a perfect match for her semblance, nothing says "Quick to act" like teleporting directly to your weapon.

You have my ‘Yes’ vote.

Only thing I have to say is that there’s a point in Maria Ravenheart’s backstory where, despite having her Aura unlocked at that point in her life, she’s thrown from a transport onto the ground and is knocked out immediately. I’m wondering if her emotional state was what kept her from being protected by it despite Maria having had Aura for some time. I don’t think you specified if she was ever trained in using her Aura or its functions before this incident, so it might just be her inexperience showing. That’s really the only thing I have the slightest criticism about since the whole profile is really well done.

I think it would also be worth detailing what “obstructed” for Red Lightning means like what you shared in the Discord, among the other suggestions to her semblance already discussed in this thread.

There’s some issues with grammar, but they don’t detract from the overall quality.