Colors of Remnant

1. Are you 18 or older? We want to know if anyone is under 18 years of age. Being under 18 will not bar you from participating in our community. Rather, this will allow us to gauge who is acting inappropriately toward minors.

Yes, I am older than 18 years

2. Do you have past experience with collaborative writing or roleplay, and if so, roughly how much? You can be brief. This is intended to help us provide useful feedback in your approval.

Multiple years of experience.

3. You may include an optional Roleplay sample for people to read that gives a feel for your character in writing.

The airship was drasticly loosing height. The engine took critical damage. A wing has been ripped off. And the manned turret the ship had... destroyed beyond use. Hell, the gunner inside had been pierced through the chest by a feather from the Nevermore chasing them. There was no way out of this mess, no way for the pilot to safely land this thing and flee with the remains of the crew he had. Only thing he could do, was pray and hope they would survive the crash landing that would follow, the ship crashing down into the forest it was flying over.

When the pilot opened his eyes, his entire body ached and a searing pain burned in his chest. A strange warmth flowed down from his head down at his temple, blood. He was alive, but badly injured, no way for him to move his body beyond writhing in his cockpits seat. He could only stare forward to the other burning parts of the ship he once flew, scattered across the clearing they crashed into. Something was moving below the wing that chrashed down in front of him. It was another of his crewmates, stuck beneath the wing pressing down on their legs and barely alive. As the pilot moved trying to stand up from his seat, something shook the cockpit he sat in.
The Nevermore that chased them had sat itsself down on the cockpit and stared at the crewmate buried beneath the wing. Easy pickings for a monster of that size. It jumped down from its 'porch', aimed with its beak and...

BOOM

An explosive-shell hit the Nevermore right at its bone-like skull, staggering the creature. The pilot couldn't see from where the shot was fired and was stunned as another shell hit the Grimm's talons and froze them to the ground, preventing the monster from taking flight again. Then something in a white blur, rammed the Nevermore, staggering it backwards. Not even a second later a white figure finished the beast off by slamming their weapon's blade down onto the stomach of the creature. Just like that, the Grimm was slain. The body of the creature fading into thin air.

The white figure then went over to the trapped crewmate, lifting the wing so that they could crawl free with their right arm only. Whoever they were, they were strong. They then seemed to treat the wounded, so efficiently even that the crewmate were up and running towards the pilot a second later. As they came closer some more features could be made out.

The white greyish armor they wore suggested atlas military, but the attire was way out of the ordinary to belong to it. Was this saviour a huntsman? Not even close. This was Melina Caedus. She looked like an angel. Probably exaggerated in the heat of the moment, but its what it seemed like to the dazed man as he lost consciousness.

Melina herself followed a distress signal during her flight to Vale and told her own pilot to start following it, even if it meant for her arriving late for Beacon's entry ceremony. She was sure the teachers there would understand that she simply couldn't ignore human or faunus life in danger, especially if it was within her direct reach. And it appeared like she was just in the nick of time. With the strength of Solemn Vow she forced open the door to the cockpit, took the pilot out of his seat and carried him as fast as she could outside, in time for her own airship ot make its landing nearby. After holding her human hand to the pilot's head, the wound healing in mere seconds, she stood up again to investigate the rest of the wreckage. 'Surely these two weren't the only crewmembers' she thought to herself.

I quite like this Riot Medic! I also love the addition of Einherjar as a name. Very good. She's also super selfless. Just all around good. Voted Yes.

Man what a read!

Her design is super cool, I especially love the face mask idea and how it helps her speak.
Does it allow her to change her voice though? Think that would be kinda fun.

Her backstory and personality are just...heart-wrenching.
We have a lot of sad backstories on this site, but I honestly think that Melina takes the cake in that category.
Especially with how much she still suffers from her past.

One thing though, which may be a bit hypocritical for me to say.
While it makes sense that an ex-soldier is this good at fighting, the sheer versatile of her kit is kind of overwhelming.
I'm not asking you to change anything about it, since this is only freelance RP, but it's more so just a nitpick, and it wont change my answer.

And joining into the Military at 16 ?
This seems kind of iffy to me, but there is probably a good reason for it.
This is also just a nitpick.

Overall.
I love Melina.
I really hope she can make some friends and find some new things to enjoy about life at Beacon.
So yeah looking forward to see you write about her!

That was quite a read!

ASD characters are hard to write, but you clearly have a solid concept of how you're going to do it.

'Yes'.

I was actually toying with a semblance idea somewhat similar to the what Melina uses so it will be very interesting to see how it is handled on the site, beyond that however is a very well written and thought out character with a lot of potential for future plotlines that I'd love to see play out.

I'm voting yes.

Backstory provides justification for Melina Caedus’ extensive cybernetics. It’s believable and creates an interesting character whose condition will affect how they interact with the world and others. I am concerned about the kind of things Melina has access to through her familial ties, but I don’t think that will be an issue. Among Melina’s other conditions, there are also concerns, but again, you’ve provided ample development and management methods for her to enroll, and continue to attend Beacon.

I like how you’ve worked her preferences and character into how she utilizes and customizes her equipment, the Solemn Vow prosthetic’s bone saw, for one.

The biggest focus I have is Melina’s Caedus’ Semblance, Einherjar. It has incredible healing powers as well as a projection aspect able to aid her in combat. It takes her Semblance’s restriction of touch and gives it range while also being able to act as an independent combatant that doesn’t require Melina to instruct it unless she specifically has a certain goal. Its speed is another issue as it covers one of her weakness of being mostly defensive/stationary. Its damage potential isn’t elaborated on either, but I get the sense that it can dish out not inconsiderable amounts. It comes with its own armaments too that can vary, giving me the sense that it can customize its approach to a situation. As it is, it seems strong in a lot of respects without too much in the way of downsides. A healing drone that she can send out to an ally to offer a limited form of her Semblance’s healing abilities would present some trade offs and a reason to use either aspect. It might not heal as well as Melina can when she’s in contact with a wounded, but it is a way to offer aid that has merits of its own. The current version I can see as being a final evolution of her Semblance, but it’s a bit strong as it is. Maybe since it’s fast, it doesn’t do much damage unless she invests a lot of Aura, drawing from the same pool as what it uses to heal others. The way you phrase that it is responsible for Melina’s healing abilities may need some clarification. It sounds like it’s separate from her own Semblance and its own kind of thing. It also seems more uninhibited harming others, which is a bit strange considering the Melina herself.

Those are my concerns. A projection of an armored warrior with healing abilities is probably fine under Freelancer roleplay. I do like how it represents her past personality and is a manifestation of it, probably why it has a different fighting style from this version of Melina. You’ve got the healing side of it down with the drain to wound types down as well.

For a person with ASD, she seems to use a lot of explosive implements in her arsenal.

I really do like how you’ve developed her personality, flaws and all, as you acknowledge her weaknesses well and make clear how they affect Melina in both good and in bad ways to form the person she is.

In hindsight, yes, joining the military at the age of 16 is very iffy, so I took the liberty to change it to make it at least a bit more believeable.

To the weapons, I really didn't take into account that any explosion, even if you are somewhat expecting it, could trigger ASD. I removed the explosive shells and functions from her arsenal to make it more realistic for a character that suffers from such traumatic problems and curbed her versatility a bit more by removing some of the other benefits she gets from the remaining shell types.

As for the issues adressing the semblance, I myself agree with what is said that it is too strong and have revisioned it according to the suggestions.
I made the phantasms healing dependent on the distance to Melina and weakened it's physical strength enough to keep its offensive output low, unless it's fueled with additional aura from Melina.
I additionally limited its access to weapons to the spear and shield.
Lastly I added descriptions to its combat behavior and fighting style according to Melina and her past.

I hope with this I have adressed the biggest issues there were. If there are any more tweaks that would need to be done, please let me know.

Pridwen Mark II’s area of effect ability in melee form using Gravity Dust makes me question how it can cause everything around Melina to be pressed down onto the ground. The dispensing point, like the blade and blunt sides, might emit the Gravity Dust and cause a field for that effect. Or maybe something like a bubble being produced around the polearm’s head to artificially expand it and act as a suppression tool that way. I’m thinking of it in terms of immediate effects from the point of contact and have trouble with how it can affect things around Melina. If it works as a center point that pressures everything around it, how is Melina exempt from its influence? Minor point, overall.

I’m alright with letting Melina Caedus enter into Freelancer roleplay after reviewing the changes made.