Atlan Andalusia

[Atlan Andalusia]

1. Are you 18 or older? We want to know if anyone is under 18 years of age.

-I'm 26 years old as of August 11th earlier this year.

2. Do you have past experience with collaborative writing or roleplay, and if so, roughly how much?

-So much. Like... A lot.
-Rough Estimate: 15 years? Somewhere in that range

3. You may include an optional (SHORT!) Roleplay sample for people to read that gives a feel for your character in writing.


This 'formal education' crap was a snore. Who cared what a bunch of losers were doing when he wasn't even alive? Faunus were fighting for their rights during a recent war? So what? Atlan felt a bit of resentment towards the idea that Faunus had been considered an inferior slave race at a time, but where were those rights they fought for when he was growing up?

Atlan's face rested against his knuckles, perched atop upright-angled arm which held firm against the table below. It was all he could do to keep from passing out, as this lecturer went on and on about the same subject. Why did he need to care about the dead people at the head of both sides in a war he'd never participate in? Where was the glory in learning about dumb shit he could never make a name for himself during. Of course, this begged the question, was he bored and irritated, or envious of their achievements? People were still talking about these fogeys like they were still alive, like these achievements mattered. It seemed so surreal, so of course it didn't register with his muscle-brain. These achievements were weak, humble brags about nothing, at least in his eyes.

Of course, if he kept processing this remedial history lesson as 'boring', the only wars he'd even participate in were civil wars against bandits back in that lazy little village. It was so inconsequential that its name was already starting to slip his mind. How many weeks had he even been here? Two? Maybe three?

"Atlan!" announced the teacher, prompting the silver haired faunus's attention. "What's up?" he replied with almost childish innocence. "I can see by the look in your eye that you feel unengaged. Please begin reading alloud to the class from where we left off," the teacher commanded in that teacherly fashion of his. "Oh, uhh... A-alright," the faunus replied as he would bring his finger indicatively to the page, right around where he thought they stopped. The kid next to him pointed to a completely different page.

Atlan began to sweat just a little. He knew how to read... kind of. It wasn't like his cell back in the pits was lined with books for the reading, he was lucky if he could get coach to help him read the words off the packaging of some cheap foodstuffs that got discarded. He knew which letters made which sounds, though not instinctively.

Finally, a worthy challenge.

[Kailyn Keison]

I'll give this a 'yes', but remember that 'Spain' doesn't exist on Remnant - you'll have to describe his clothing in detail!

[Myron Hyles]

Oooh, a character who's in it for the glory !
I love pretty much everything about Atlan, his weapon and Semblance are simple but suit him well, Wind Dust is cool and his character is well-written all-around. Oh, and that emblem is dope !
That's an absolute Yes.

I'd have made more use of the Strengths, Weaknesses, Likes and Dislikes fields. Separating the personality and fighting style between these categories is clearer in my opinion.

[Citrine Locke]

This is a slightly hesitant yes from me. Overall I think the character is good, and poses no overt issues, though there are a few small details nagging at my full approval. For starters, his outfit being inspired by "the traditional Mistralian bullfighter warrior known as the Toreador." I think it would be better to just describe his outfit and let players come to the conclusion that it's inspired by bullfighting attire, as saying "the traditional Mistralian bullfighter" implies that such a thing is commonplace in Mistral, when that is not the case.

Another small thing I noticed was with his weapon. Perhaps I misunderstood, but it sounds like he forms his weapon out of condensed wind dust? If that is the case, I would suggest using hardlight dust instead, since I don't think wind dust can be used in such a manner, whereas hard light can.

I personally find him killing his first grimm at age nine to be a bit... unrealistic, but it technically doesn't go against any site rules, so while I might advise you to make him a little older, that doesn't stand in the way of earning a "yes" vote from me.

Other than that, I think the character concept is very interesting and look forward to seeing them around!

[Atlan Andalusia]

This is a slightly hesitant yes from me. Overall I think the character is good, and poses no overt issues, though there are a few small details nagging at my full approval. For starters, his outfit being inspired by "the traditional Mistralian bullfighter warrior known as the Toreador." I think it would be better to just describe his outfit and let players come to the conclusion that it's inspired by bullfighting attire, as saying "the traditional Mistralian bullfighter" implies that such a thing is commonplace in Mistral, when that is not the case.

Another small thing I noticed was with his weapon. Perhaps I misunderstood, but it sounds like he forms his weapon out of condensed wind dust? If that is the case, I would suggest using hardlight dust instead, since I don't think wind dust can be used in such a manner, whereas hard light can.

I personally find him killing his first grimm at age nine to be a bit... unrealistic, but it technically doesn't go against any site rules, so while I might advise you to make him a little older, that doesn't stand in the way of earning a "yes" vote from me.

Other than that, I think the character concept is very interesting and look forward to seeing them around!

In response to this, I've nixed the mention of any tradition linked to his outfit, simply stating it's inspired by bullfighting attire. Appearance sections are the very bane of my existence, and I've provided digitally hand-drawn art with which to look at its intricacies in more detail. If a picture's worth a thousand words, I've got a 4000 word appearance section available to peruse by request.

I've also weeded out the line I think caused you to misunderstand his weapon's functionality and fixed the terminology, but I'll additionally clarify here that his weapon functions Pneumatically (Air-powered as opposed to Sping-lock), so the telescoping mechanisms function via air compression and decompression from the wind dust, keeping the design simple and replaceable in case he loses any, since his only ranged option is throwing them.

I have no comment regarding the issue of how young he was when he killed a single Creep in a controlled battle arena after a few years of training under veteran gladiators. All the justification was written in the history, and I don't feel like debating the efficiency of child soldiers any more than is necessary.

[Citrine Locke]

In response to this, I've nixed the mention of any tradition linked to his outfit, simply stating it's inspired by bullfighting attire. Appearance sections are the very bane of my existence, and I've provided digitally hand-drawn art with which to look at its intricacies in more detail. If a picture's worth a thousand words, I've got a 4000 word appearance section available to peruse by request.

I've also weeded out the line I think caused you to misunderstand his weapon's functionality and fixed the terminology, but I'll additionally clarify here that his weapon functions Pneumatically (Air-powered as opposed to Sping-lock), so the telescoping mechanisms function via air compression and decompression from the wind dust, keeping the design simple and replaceable in case he loses any, since his only ranged option is throwing them.

I have no comment regarding the issue of how young he was when he killed a single Creep in a controlled battle arena after a few years of training under veteran gladiators. All the justification was written in the history, and I don't feel like debating the efficiency of child soldiers any more than is necessary.

great! thanks for the clarification! you've got my approval!

[SheidelII]

A point concerning Atlan Andalusia's Semblance, True Grip, would be its max potential as “several tons without breaking his Aura”. Could you elaborate on whether this means that Atlan can lift those several tons without the drain it has on his Aura reserves completely depleting them or if the current level of his Semblance operating at that upper limit has no effect on objects exceeding it? The general time frame in which True Grip can remain in effect for the limit you have in mind should also be mentioned. How long before the drain depletes his reserves and shatters his Aura or if pushing his Semblance to perform beyond its upper limit causes some kind of repercussion, that kind of thing if you decide to go down any similar routes I’ve mentioned.

Other than elaborating on Aura drain and other limitations and drawbacks, it’s a concern of mine how much potential it holds for the amount of weight it can affect. Lifting several tons is already impressive, so I’d like to know how far you plan to go with True Grip. A rough estimate is fine as I’m only curious.

That’s pretty much it for what I have to say. Tad more work on his Semblance mechanics and it’ll be a ‘Yes’ from me.

[Atlan Andalusia]

A point concerning Atlan Andalusia's Semblance, True Grip, would be its max potential as “several tons without breaking his Aura”. Could you elaborate on whether this means that Atlan can lift those several tons without the drain it has on his Aura reserves completely depleting them or if the current level of his Semblance operating at that upper limit has no effect on objects exceeding it? The general time frame in which True Grip can remain in effect for the limit you have in mind should also be mentioned. How long before the drain depletes his reserves and shatters his Aura or if pushing his Semblance to perform beyond its upper limit causes some kind of repercussion, that kind of thing if you decide to go down any similar routes I’ve mentioned.

Other than elaborating on Aura drain and other limitations and drawbacks, it’s a concern of mine how much potential it holds for the amount of weight it can affect. Lifting several tons is already impressive, so I’d like to know how far you plan to go with True Grip. A rough estimate is fine as I’m only curious.

That’s pretty much it for what I have to say. Tad more work on his Semblance mechanics and it’ll be a ‘Yes’ from me.

That quote you've got there is his 'immediate' potential, as in how much weight he's capable of negating on a full pool of aura. Once the aura is dedicated to helping him lift something, the amount of time he can hold it up is indefinite, as long as he doesn't lose his grip. This means he could lift a truck, hold it up in the air for the entirety of a fight scene while everyone else fights, and not be worse for wear because of it even 15 posts later, as long as he didn't let go.

The aura cost is static, on a per lift basis based on the weight of what he is lifting when he lifts it, only draining him any further if the weight he's lifting changes, or if he loses his grip and has to grab hold of it again. Thusly, his semblance is quite bad in a situation where he needs to lift and release several heavy objects in quick succession.

In fact, if given the time to 'replenish his aura' he can continually increase how much he is capable of lifting, so long as he remains holding onto the same object, which means in some cases is not a matter of what the heaviest thing he can lift is, but how long he'll take to be able to lift it. In combat, it's not a useful capability, since there is rarely something that he can just grab onto for a minute while he summons up the aura needed to hoist it.

Tl;Dr: The cost is static, based on the weight he negates, and is self-perpetuating as long as he holds on. If he lets go, his semblance ends, and he has to pay the same aura cost to re-use it. His aura does not drain continually while it's in use, so he can feasibly recover aura while holding up heavy things, especially in order to funnel it into his semblance to lift heavier things.


That aside, I should clarify that his semblance is 'all or nothing', which means he cannot use his semblance to negate 'some' of the weight, and will have to wait until he's gathered enough aura reserves to pay the full cost.

[Bartok Evergreen]

I like the showmanship! I really do! This guy has quite the theme going for him! I don't find his killing of a Grimm at a young age a problem, seeing his history and that it was a simple Creep, not an Ursa or anything like that. He's massive too and I just... I like him. Him and Bartok have Semblances and personalities that go well together on the battlefield. If they were on the same team during the Vital Festival, or even against eachother... Oh dear...

[SheidelII]

I would like it if a small, or even miniscule drain was imposed. It could be negligible during normal engagements, but drawn out encounters could make holding onto something dangerous when trying to conserve Aura. That's only a suggestion, so use it if you want or not. 'Yes' from me.